Ever wanted to tear your hair out because performer X got that gig you really wanted? Or got given shit by someone because you were the one who got the gig? Jealousy- its awful when you’ve got it and awful when it comes after you!
But you are not alone-everyone in the burlesque world gets jealous or gets affected by jealousy at some point, and its responsible for a lot of the bitchiness and unpleasantness we see. Just today I have heard about a girl getting hate mail, another quitting burlesque because of people resenting her success, and seen several passive aggressive comments that most likely stem from gelatine-based emotions.
When I’m jealous, I usually feel a mixture of these things;
– Wanting something that someone else has
-Feeling it is unfair that someone has something and I don’t
-Feeling that they do not deserve this thing or have achieved it for reasons other than merit
-A fear of being supplanted or overlooked in favour of someone else
And you know what? Its bloody awful! When you feel jealous, you feel crap, inadequate and angry. You can feel your inner dark side wanting to break out.
And if you are the target of jealousy, watch out!
So why do we feel jealous? To be honest, you can hardly hope to avoid it. Thanks to facebook, we are always getting a face full of SOMEONE’S better fortune. As Chandler said to Joey, “Sooner or later, somebody’s gonna come along that slices a better cheddar. Then where you gonna run?
And in burlesque, the fact is, we are all competing against each other, for the same jobs, for recognition, for a title etc.
Things to remember when jealousy strikes!
1. Don’t go Wicked Witch of the West
No matter how annoying and unfair it seems, you can’t stop the thing that makes you jealous. And as tempting as it is; don’t bad mouth them or try to sabotage them.
2. Its alreet to be jelly, like
Its always supposed to be such a flaw to be jealous. But is not. Jealously is totally normal, its totally understandable, and it doesn’t mean you are a bad or shit person if you feel it. So admit you are jealous, if even if only to yourself.
3. Facebook is EVIL
Burlesque making you feel shit? Facebook making you feel shit? Get offline, take a break from performing, don’t get involved in social politics. Hide that annoying person from your news-feed. Spend time with proper friends, family, pets, who love you. Remind yourself of who you were before burlesque consumed your life.
4. Don’t be inadequate cat cos you’re not
If you are feeling crap about yourself, after taking a break (see point 3), start working on yourself. Do a class, put together a new act, take a new direction. Do something that gives you back your confidence in yourself as a performer, or that makes you feel you are working towards something. This can take you out of the inadequacy spiral and help you start afresh.
5. Remember the only opinion that really matters for an entertainer….
This guy is always going to be around, but he doesn’t have to rule our lives, or ruin our lives. If you look him in the eye he doesn’t seem so important!